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Now, without going into too many details, I've had enough strange times to be able to identify 'strange times'.

But the sequence of events I just experienced in Skyrim have made me question my own reality.

I hope you're bored, because this will undoubtedly become long winded.

After playing ME3 for weeks, I decided to go back to Skyrim. Some of you might remember that before ME3 came out I was having a hard time finding a skyrim husbando. When I finally did, he left me waiting at the alter for two days. Yes, two days. Then after the vows he RAN OFF. After some searching I found my lizard lover and ordered him to my home to make tasty foodstuff and collect money for me. After some misadventures involving a lot of cabbage and some barrels, I returned to my breeze home only to find it empty. This worried me. It had been days since I ordered my husbando to the kitchen and he was yet to appear. Concerned, I began to trace the path he would have taken to get to me, imagining finding him left for dead on the cobblestone road.

After much searching, I did eventually find him, battling random wildlife halfway between my home and his. I valiantly fought off his attackers, after which he began to run... back to his HOME. Bastard. I followed him all the way back to his home, where I ordered him back to mine AGAIN. Annoyed, I left him to his slow slow SLOW walk back to Whiterun and decided to look for more misadventures.

Morthal. Totally boring as a destination, but there was a bounty for me to collect, so I fast travelled there. It was just as much a shit hole as I remembered, with the added benefit of a blizzard. Walking into town on my trusty steed, the music changed and I knew... there be dragons.

But this was not to be my typical dragon battle. Getting off my horse, I looked up and saw THREE dragons. Two frost dragons and one of the regular fire breathing type. Ohhhhkay... Well within a few moments several of the towns people were running around on fire, and somehow, while using my shout I 'hit' someone, making the entire town turn on me. Hurray. Then the guards show up, dragons still flying around and burning them with fire and ice. I have to pay off my newly earned bounty before I can keep fighting. Once that's dealt with I notice that one of the dragons is dive bombing a pond just north of town. In hot pursuit, I chase the damn thing off into the sticks. It's swooping in, attacking elk and crabs and all sort of wildlife, and I'm fighting my way through trees and shrubs trying to get to the damn thing.

When I've finally got its health whittled down, I'm still hauling ass trying to get within sight of it. When I arrive, the death blows are given by five frostbite spiders and three mudcrabs. As the dragon gives up the ghost, the effect is so bright I can't actually see what's going on, only that things are KICKING MY ASS. Mauled by spiders and crabs, I desperately fight them off. As I finish I see a random, spectral ghost girl, running up to the dragon's body to take a look. WTF, there are ghost just wandering around this place? Then, just when I think it's over, another guard shows up, OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE, and demands I pay a further bounty for... you know... SAVING THEIR TOWN.

And that's where I paused the game. There are two more dragon's waiting for me back in that town. I think I'd rather let them kill everyone off.

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:icondruds:
Druds Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013
I lost many sleepless nights over re-rolls and deletions of what where all practically the same charter after I lost all my money to buy the DLC's I decided I had to kick the habit it was getting out of control.
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:iconkuraixgene:
KuraixGene Featured By Owner May 8, 2012
Ugh I know how that is. I once had two fucking ELDER DRAGONS start attacking me while I was near a giant's camp. So I had 2 elder dragons, a giant, and 3 mammoths attacking me. Thank goodness I was ridiculously high leveled or I wouldn't had gotten PWND.

I also had a glitch with one of my husbands. I married Athis of the Companions in one of my files because I couldn't marry Brynolf ( T_T ) and I would take him with me on missions to mostly carry all my shit lol. Anyway, out of nowhere everyt ime I went to go talk to him he would try to kill me! I was like WTF. So eventually I had him follow me to Ulfic's room in his castle, went to talk to Athis, and just had Ulfric kill my hubby for me. Ulfric even used a freakin Thu'um on him! When I heard it I literally sat there, eyes wide, jaw dropped sayin "Holllyyyy shit!" xD
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:iconkuraixgene:
KuraixGene Featured By Owner May 8, 2012
would have gotten PWND*
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:iconenyare:
Enyare Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012
Oh man, that is pretty cracked out. Do you know about ZeroPunctuation? You should watch his review on Skyrim. He threw a jab in about Skyrim's many strange and totally surreal errors that gave me a good laugh. [link]
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh wow, lol, yes.... I watched his review of ME3 too, which was fantastically entertaining. And he's right, talking about skyrim usually ends in glitch swapping! =D
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:icontwilighthellsong:
TwilightHellsong Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012
:lmao:

Oh, I shouldn't laugh so hard at someone else's misery, but you...should win some kind of award for this.

Sometimes a dragon's dive-bomb works out in a player's favor though. Once, I was wandering out in the wilderness and I found a word wall and a dragon. Dragon's a tough fight, but doable, and then it decides to try and squish me because it's losing. So it dives, crashes, leaves a huge trail of upturned earth...misses me, because I dodged the bastard. I finish it off while it's immobile and then check the dirt trail just to measure how far that dragon skidded. In the upturned dirt I find a dead hagraven. At the level I was at, a dragon's not going to do me in but a hagraven would have kicked my ass.

That dragon actually saved my life, oddly enough.

Not that the randomness of my experience compares to yours. But I'll be remembering your story next time I'm going Morthal way. Maybe I'll just let the place burn, since everyone's so damn ungrateful...
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's amazing, lol! I know what you mean about the hagravens... they were tough at the beginning. I was so bent on getting the nettlebane so I could fix that tree but damn if I had a hard time killing the hagraven that was guarding it.

And don't feel bad about laughing at my misery... I'd be laughing at me too (if i weren't so busy making WTF faces at the tv)
:iconxdddplz:
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:iconvulpeinculta:
vulpeinculta Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
Sorry about your unwilling husbando. May I suggest some chains and an iron ball tied to his ankles?

Now that part: "the guards show up, dragons still flying around and burning them with fire and ice" totally makes me think of Game of Thrones. LOL
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
chain and iron balls you say? that sounds kinky =D
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:iconslins93:
Slins93 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol! I love those moments when all you can think is: "WTF is going on!?"
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
After this happened a deer fell from the sky and died. It had fifteen gold on it's body.

I must admit, those wtf moments are some of my gaming highlights, lol
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:iconslins93:
Slins93 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol! That's priceless!

Reminds me of the time that a dragon fell from the sky into Riften, only had a pair of leather boots on it.
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The spawning dragon skeletons scare the hell out of me... they always appear at terrible times.
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:iconslins93:
Slins93 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
then they do that wiggly-jig and shoot off across the map again :S
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:icontheloneinquisitor:
TheLoneInquisitor Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have abandoned Skyrim after the Ortican mission, done after my first dragon-killing, I was sooooooooo bored, this game lacks soul, imho :(
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah, it's true, it doesn't really have the same emotional impact and beautiful moments as mass effect. But I feel less depressed playing it, lol.
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:icontheloneinquisitor:
TheLoneInquisitor Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I played ME1 to heal myself, at the beginning it was even more painful,but I insisted and now that I have finished it I fell better :)
and I'm writing my own ME3 ending, it's therapeutic ^^
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I may have to do that eventually. Oh mass effect... let me love you...
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:iconjaleeni:
Jaleeni Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is why I married the Werewolf leader from the Companions. He's loyal enough to actually stay home all the time until I ask him to follow me.

I have to say I barely come across dragons, so hearing that there were THREE in the same area is pretty crazy.

But yeah, if I was in your position, I would let them all burn.
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I considered him, but his voice was driving me crazy. Plus he never seemed interested. Maybe i didn't do enough quests with him.

I'm hounded by dragons. Every town I go to there's a dragon. Some towns I've killed four or five dragons in them (not all at once, lol), but still. It's becoming a little repetitive :iconxdddplz:
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:iconjaleeni:
Jaleeni Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
lol that's funny cause I went after him for his voice. xD

I started playing Skyrim on the 360. It's a bit more difficult to play on. I'm so used to the PC version. I tend to die faster, which makes my dragon encounters even scarier.
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:iconaddira:
Addira Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yup. Those guards are total bastards.
Let the dragon kill 'em all. And then tell us about it :iconyayyplz:
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Total bastards.

I should actually write a part deux to this journal describing what happened afterward... craziness.
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:iconaddira:
Addira Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh Please do!
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:iconbuildmypaperheart:
BuildMyPaperHeart Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
lol I'm so sorry XD

But yeah, I'm surprised nobody's fixed that glitch where the spouse runs off after vows, EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE VERY IMPORTANT POST MARRIAGE DIALOGUE WHICH LETS YOU SET THEIR HOUSE.
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
When I finally did return to white run it was just in time to see my husbando running away again. SO SAD.

It seems like a pretty major glitch.
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:iconardensia:
ardensia Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahahahahahaha!!! I haven't played Skyrim, but this made me laugh so hard.
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Skyrim is both amazing and painful. =D
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:iconshengirl:
Shengirl Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Cracked out stuff like this is why video games are awesome. Like how The Old Republic is a seething mass of disease at the moment, and people randomly explode on you.
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
God that sounds awesome! =D
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:icondarkwolf6090:
Darkwolf6090 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconshockplz:
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
exactly. lol =D
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:icongalacticghidorah:
GalacticGhidorah Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
Hahaha I'm sorry, but that was really entertaining to read. Ah, Skyrim, your NPCs seem to have a very low average IQ sometimes. I think it may be time to seriously punish your husbando. Meaning either a humiliating divorce or...murdering him. In your home. Away from guards.

As for Morthal and the three dragons, well, you know what? The end of the world...has come to Morthal. Leave them to die, and then kill the other dragons later.

[link]
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh I could never murder by husbando... I'm an all talk no action kind of person, lol. Plus he's got a tail. I could never be mean to something that has a tail. =D

You know what? I returned to Morthal... I think I might write a part two to this journal entry explaining the insanity that occurred when I returned.
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:icongalacticghidorah:
GalacticGhidorah Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
The tail is a good reason to keep him then. My Dhovakin isn't as forgiving though lol.

I look forward to part two! Skyrim should have a setting called "Insanity", where all the crazy things that can happen almost always happen. That reminds me, I got attacked by a headless corpse. I was infiltrating Goldenglow Estate, and I have found the guy who has the key to his safe. Unfortunately, he had made it impossible for me to pickpocket him...so I had to pick the lock myself. When I emerged from the basement, some bandits attacked me. Nothing unusual. During the fight, I beheaded one of those bandits. A few minutes later, I encounter a second group of bandits. While I was fighting them, what do I see come right behind me? A HEADLESS BANDIT! He was wielding a sword and was ready to kill me. He did hurt me, but that was it. He just fell down after that lol. I was in an Xbox Live party when that happened, and one of my friends in the party said "That's what happens when you get to level 55"
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:icongalacticghidorah:
GalacticGhidorah Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
Lol wow that was a fail. Ignore the link, I was trying to use the icon. I haven't used that, at all *sheepish grin*
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:iconlittlecrazyneko411:
littlecrazyneko411 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
XDDD Oh you poor thing, but it was humorous ^^o awww Farkas my love, he never leaves me ~:heart:
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've heard this... but I don't think he likes me very much...
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:iconlittlecrazyneko411:
littlecrazyneko411 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
Well Farkas loves me ^^o Vilkas...Not so much lol
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:iconmandulis:
Mandulis Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
Ow, come on now, they ain't that bad. The Thane is a pretty nice person. Her son see dead people. And it's the only town were you can get a cure for sunburns.

And seriously. Who would marry a male argonian? I know, they can't all be maids. But still!
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lol, it's still a shithole! I may have to murder everyone there later on in the game. =D

Ok... I will tell you why I would marry a male argonian... other than would might seem like a tendency towards lizard men. The actual reason is all the human guys were douchy. I looked, and I just didn't like what I was seeing or hearing.
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:iconmandulis:
Mandulis Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
Ow come now, Farkas is a sweethearth...As long as you remember to take him out for a walk twice a day.
What about an orc? Those guys are the best cook. And their romantic skills are almost ar Garrus's level!
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:iconpaebac:
PaeBac Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
Sounds like an average day in Skyrim to me, lol! Those guards are merciless.

The reason why Derk is such a derp is that there's a marriage glitch with him, if you haven't already noticed. He will always try to return to the mine, no matter what home you send him to. The only way to keep him with you is as a follower. However, the good side to this glitch is that Derk also cannot die for some reason. I'm not complaining about that.

Still waiting for the patch that fixes him up, though. Maybe we could renew vows or something to make up for the crappy wedding.
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Of course there is a marriage glitch with him! YAY. Why does this always happen to me?

I guess I'll be visiting that god damn mine a lot.
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:iconpaebac:
PaeBac Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
Sucks that the mine isn't even remotely close to any possible homes up for sale...

I guess you can take the lizard from the mine but not the mine from...OH WAIT NO YOU CAN'T
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
DAMMIT!!
:iconcryforeverplz:
lol
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:iconjournei:
Journei Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wanted Brynjolf as my husbando, unfortunately I can't have him, so thus, my character's a single lady. If Brandon Keener voiced a character, no doubt I'd go after him. ;)
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:iconefleck:
efleck Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wish I had sykim for PC so I could import Garrus into it. That would be soooo... awesome. =D
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:iconjournei:
Journei Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Or make the best humanoid version of Garrus you possibly can lol
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April 16, 2012
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